Thoughts

I woke up early this morning and decided to go for a walk down to the creek. I just sat there, thinking and praying, taking in all of the beauty in nature. It seems that my minds wanders and flips over every idea it holds, pondering each one and quickly skipping to the next, like a stone you toss across the water, touching the surface every few feet. Those are the moments in which I long to have a notebook or my Mac with me, but it is always just me and the clouds my thoughts reside in. I fear that as soon as I am faced with a blank page to fill, every single thought will run away and hide. They do not come as easily as I would like when I sit down to type a blog.

An example of my recent thoughts:

I feel like there is not enough time in the world to do all of the things I long to do, even if they are silly, trivial things. I want to read all of the Harry Potter books before the new movie comes out, but I am only on the second one, with 26 days left to go. I want to wake up early every day, so I can get many things accomplished, but I also wish to sleep in and be well rested. I want to go running - at midnight - and after I am done, lie outside on the grass to look at the stars until morning. I want to pack a lunch and some water, and just start walking with my camera, taking pictures of the things I see that interest me, without any idea when I will stop and turn back. I want to drive for hours so I can listen to every album on my iTunes that I have never heard before. I want to write about everything, and become an insightful author of something: an online blog, book, journal, or fill in the blank. I want to spend a few hours on Photoshop and actually know what I am doing, and create something worth a second look. I want to read every book of the Bible and understand, not just quickly skim through it, but to be able to discuss it with others. I want to be a good pen pal, but I never take the time to write a letter in reply. I want to work at Barnes and Noble or Starbucks. I want to read all of the booklets that came in my Mary Kay started kit, so I can be a good beauty consultant and actually have parties and make money. I want to be home, so I can spend time with my family and with Becca. I want to have faith that if God wants me to study abroad this fall, He will provide everything I need, including the funding to go. I want to do the Semester At Sea program and leave August 28 for a life-changing voyage across the world. I especially want my dad to support my wishes to study abroad, or at least to stop discouraging me with negative text messages and worrying. I want to have a job that gives me more hours, so I can support myself if needed, or at least help pay for studying abroad and saving money. I want to be friends with Matt again, but I want him to want it too. I want God to be my first love, so any guy who comes along must know Him to know who I am. I want to get a good tan this summer. I want to go back to sleep.